Vivaha Samskara (ವಿವಾಹ ಸಂಸ್ಕಾರಗಳು / विवाहसम्स्कारा:)

In Indian traditions, marriage is considered as one of the most important rites or samskara that a human being undergoes. And that importance is very evident in our society even today, where a marriage is considered the most important decision a person takes in their life.

Everything about that is special and in this age of “conspicuous consumption”, everything about the wedding is getting more and more exaggerated. Months of planning and preparation go into this event, wedding dresses are elaborately planned (not only for the bride and the groom), elaborate menus are worked out with numerous delicacies, and so on.

However, what gets the least importance is the actual set of rituals prescribed in the dharma shastras for the wedding ceremony. Most brides and bridegrooms go through these ritual with scant understanding of what the rituals signify or what the mantras they are asked to utter imply. This, I think, is extremely unfortunate. Because these mantras are loaded with enormous meaning and the couple, if they follow the rituals with an understanding of what they are doing, will surely find that their wedding day is further enriched by these rituals.

With a couple of back-to-back weddings in my family coming up, I wanted to write an article giving a brief description of each step in a typical marriage ceremony based on the dharma shastras. Hopefully, the couples getting married will benefit from this, and others will just find this interesting reading.

Meaning of Vivaha

Let us first look at the meaning of the word विवाह:/ವಿವಾಹ:. This word is based on the Sanskrit root “वह/ವಹ”. This root means to carry or to deliver from one place to another. This is the same root that gives us Indian language words like वाहन/ವಾಹನ or English words like “vehicle”.

The word vivaha is meant to signify a “special” delivery or “special” bringing together of a bride and the groom.

There are other words like pariNaya/परिणय/ಪರಿಣಯ or udhvAha/उद्वाह/ಉದ್ವಾಹ  which also have similar meanings.

As discussed in an earlier article that I have written, the shastras describe different kinds of marriages which we will not go into here.

Let us now look at some of the rituals involved in a marriage ceremony.

Chappara/ಚಪ್ಪರದ ಪೂಜೆ

This is a ritual usually done the day before the wedding or on an auspicious day close to the wedding. A pandal or chappara is erected in front of the groom’s and bride’s houses. The North-East pole/pillar of the pandal is to be installed with the help of the bride or the groom, who then worship that pole with turmeric, kumkuma, flowers, dhoopa etc. Milk is then poured to the base of the pole. The poles are then setup in clock-wise order – South East, South West and then North West (these directions are not the cardinal directions, but the positions of the poles in the pandal).

After the pandal is fully setup, the bride or the groom is made to stand under the pandal and an aarathi (and ಈಡುಕಾಯಿ) are performed.

This ritual is mainly to indicate to the people in the surrounding areas that a ceremony is going to be celebrated in the family. Also, in the past, when weddings were performed at home, the pandal outside the house provided a place of shelter and shade for the guests at the wedding.

Jaanivaasam/ಜಾನಿವಾಸಮ್

In the past - where the groom’s family typically hailed from a different family than the bride - when the groom and his family arrived at the bride’s village, they would first pay a visit to the local temple to obtain the blessings of the local deity for the wedding. The bride’s family would also visit the groom and his family at the temple and offer them refreshments (after their journey) and other necessary ingredients for them to freshen up (such as water, sandalwood paste, etc). The groom and his family would then be taken to the bride’s house/Kalyana Mantapa in a procession through the streets of the village with a vadya (nadaswaram).

The main idea behind this was to let the groom and his family to visit the local temple, freshen up before reaching the bride’s family and also allow the people from the bride’s village to see the groom. Today, the jaanivasam is celebrated mainly in communities from Tamil Nadu. The procession of the groom through the bride’s village is very similar to the baaraat celebrated by North Indian communities.

Varapooja/ವರಪೂಜೆ

The ceremony to honour the groom and his family when they arrive at the bride’s house (or the Kalyana Mantapa, these days) is known as varapooje. In the past, this was a very simple occasion with the groom and his family being welcomed into the house and offered refreshments and made comfortable (just like all guests were). But today, this has become a pretty elaborate affair. Also, what is celebrated as Varapooja today has just developed out of social obligations and has no basis in the Dharma Shastras. Today, it is only amongst the Mandayam Srivaishnava community that there is no “varapooja” celebrated.

This ceremony has no special significance as per the dharma shastras.

Kadale-Bella Shastra/ಕಡಲೇಬೆಲ್ಲದ ಶಾಸ್ತ್ರ

The mother of the groom gives the bride some kadale (ಕಡಲೇ) and some jaggery (ಬೆಲ್ಲ) with thamboola and does an arathi for the bride. The bride then gives away the kadale and the jaggery to a worthy Brahmin.

Kadale is believed to be a favourite of Brihaspati (Jupiter, the guru of all the devas). The bride is blessed with kadale so that she has the blessings of Brihaspati in ensuring that all the activities that she performs in her future household are done without any obstacles. Similarly, jaggery is a favourite of Mrutyunjaya (or Shiva). Giving the bride jaggery is for her to get Shiva’s blessings in ensuring that there are no untimely deaths in her household.

Nishcithartha/ನಿಶ್ಚಿತಾರ್ಥ

This ritual is different from what is known today as the “engagement” ceremony. This “nishchithartha” is what is  performed as part of the wedding ceremonies. Different communities celebrate this differently and at different stages of the wedding ceremony.

Amongst the Mandayam Srivaishnava community, this is celebrated on the morning of the wedding, while many other communities celebrate it the day before the wedding. The bride and her parents sit in an East facing position, while the groom and his parents sit in a North facing position. The bride’s family and the groom’s family exchange gifts for each other. The bride’s father decides to give his daughter as wife to the groom and announces the time for the kanyaadaanam ceremony. The groom’s family accepts this proposal.

Amongst Mandayam Srivaishnavas, this ceremony involves 5 women from the groom’s side honouring the bride with many gifts, fruits, sweets, etc.

In the past, there was no separate engagement ceremony that would take place long before the wedding. That is a more recent trend. The equivalent of this “engagement” ceremony was done just before the wedding ceremony took place.

Vrata Samaavartana/ವ್ರತಸಮಾವರ್ತನ

This ritual is performed only by the groom and involves the groom thanking all the Vedic deities, deities of knowledge and his gurus and ritually giving up his vows of Brahmacharya in anticipation of return to his household, and for taking up a family life. It is like a graduation ceremony.

Samaavartana means to return. This ritual signifies the return of the groom from the gurukula back to his house. While living at the gurukula, the bachelor student is bound by the rules of Brahmacharya. With this ritual, the groom thanks all the Vedic deities for assisting him in his learning, thanks his Guru and other members of the Gurukulam and gives up the vows of Brahmacharya that he had taken up during his Upanayanam.

The Wedding Day/ವೈವಾಹಿಕಮಹೋತ್ಸವ

On the morning of the wedding day, the first ritual in the morning is the ritual oil bath or the ಎಣ್ಣೆಶಾಸ್ತ್ರ. In some families this ritual bath is performed only for the bride or the groom, while in some families it is performed for the parents of the bride/groom as well.

If certain samskaaras such as the jaatakarma(ಜಾತಕರ್ಮ), naamakarana(ನಾಮಕರಣ), etc have not been performed for the bride/groom, then they are performed at this instance.

Naandhi/ನಾಂದೀ

The full technical name for this ritual is Naandhimukha Abhyudaya Shraaddha(ನಾಂದೀಮುಖ ಅಭ್ಯುದಯ ಶ್ರಾದ್ಧ). This ritual is common across most of the samskaaras performed as per the dharma shastras and are not restricted to just the wedding ceremony.

Every human being is born and leads a good life by the grace of his parents, grand parents, great grand parents and other ancestors. He attributes all his qualities, looks, etc to his ancestors. And hence, before performing any ritual, the performer of the ritual begins by first thanking his ancestors. By performing this ritual, it is believed that the ancestors of the performer (whether alive or not) will participate in the event with a lot of ananda and so, this ritual is called naandhimukha (happy faced) or just naandhi.

This ritual is performed differently by the Mandayam Srivaishnava community. The ancestors invoked include paternal great grand-parents, paternal grand parents, parents, and maternal grand parents. Each couple is welcomed with appropriate mantras and then gifts of clothes, grains, fruits, etc are given to a worthy person as a token for that couple.

The Groom’s rituals

As mentioned earlier, the groom is expected to have performed the vrata samaavarthana ritual before the wedding day. But in many cases, these days, the samaavarthana is done on the morning of the wedding day itself. The groom’s parents also perform a naandhi ceremony as described above.

The groom then decorates himself with chandana and wears a flower garland (these 2 are completely prohibited for a brahmachari as they are considered objects of pleasure). He also wears a plain white or white-dipped-in-turmeric-water dhoti tied in 5 places with 5 knots (kaccha/ಕಚ್ಚ). This is known as ಕಚ್ಚೆಪಂಚೆ or ಪಂಚಕಚ್ಚಂ. The groom also uses a walking stick, an umbrella and a fan (ಬೀಸಣಿಗೆ).

The groom then wears the second यज्ञोपवीतम्/ಜನಿವಾರ. This is to indicate that he has now undertaken the life of a grahastha or householder along with its rules and responsibilities.

Traditionally, the groom, his parents and bride’s parents should not have eaten anything since the morning of the wedding day till the kanyadaana ceremony is complete. However, amongst communities of Tamil Nadu, at this time, bride’s side gifts the groom with many eatables, primary among them being cream of milk or ಹಾಲುಕೋವಾ.

Worshipping the Ashwatha tree/ಅರಶಾಣಿ ಬಳಸುವುದು

This ritual is very specific to the Mandayama Srivaishnava community. The ashwatha (peepul) tree is considered holy all over India and is worshipped as a personification of Sriman Narayana (as Ashwathanarayana). In this ritual, the bride and her future sister-in-law worship the Ashwatha tree as if they are worshipping Narayana. They go around the tree 3 times tying a raw cotton string around the tree symbolizing the dressing up of the idol of Narayana.

The intent of this ritual is to pray for a happy married life and for long-lived progeny. The future sister-in-law also prays for a good life for her brother and for the growth of her father’s family. After the bride returns from this ceremony back to the Kalyana Mantapa, the groom goes on a Kaashiyatra.

Kaashiyatra/ಕಾಶಿಯಾತ್ರೇ

In ancient India, everybody obtained their education from a gurukulam. After their stay in the gurukulam, the students returned home to begin the life of a householder. However, some who wanted to pursue their education further would go to Kashi which had scholars of different branches of knowledge teaching there. Going to Kashi for further learning is similar to the current scenario of going to a university to get a master’s degree or for higher education.

The whole kaashiyatra episode of a wedding is just based on a traditional story and has no basis in the dharma shastras.

The story goes that there was once a boy who finished learning all that he could from a gurukulam and came back home. But his thirst for knowledge was not quenched and so he wanted to learn more and was pondering whether he should go to Kaashi for further studies. To get his dilemma resolved, he met a knowledgeable Brahmin and asked him, “Should I go to Kaashi to further my education or should I enter the life of a householder or is it better still if I directly take up Sanyaasashrama and live the life of an ascetic?”. The Brahmin is said to have replied, “Oh knowledgeable man, marry my daughter who is very worthy of you. She will help you with furthering your knowledge, help you lead the life of a householder, and join you in taking up sanyaasa when the time comes for it.”. This resolved the boy’s dilemma and he agreed to get married.

The kaashiyatra ritual that is celebrated today is just a re-enactment of this episode.

Exchanging of garlands/ಮಾಲಿಕಾರೋಪಣ

After the groom decides not to go to Kaashi, the father of the bride honours him thaamboola and asks him to enter his house or the Kalyana Mantapa. In the meantime, the bride is all decorated and holding a garland in her hand, she is standing waiting under the pandal/ಚಪ್ಪರ. In many communities, traditionally, this was the first time that the bride and the groom saw each other.

In some communities, the bride and the grooms are carried on the shoulders of their maternal uncles when they exchange garlands. The bride and the groom exchange garlands 3 times. All 3 times, the respective maternal uncle is expected to give the garland to the hands of the bride and the uncle.

While exchanging garlands, the bride is expected to be facing East, while the groom is facing the West.

Amongst many communities, immediately after the exchange of garlands, the bride and the groom are made to sit on a swing and offered gifts by their maternal uncles. Care should be taken that the bride is sitting to the left of the groom. Also, the bride and the groom should not touch each other.

From this instance till a period of one year of completion of the marriage, the bride and the groom are to be considered as Lakshmi and Narayana and are to be honoured as such.

Kanyadaana (giving away the bride)/ಕನ್ಯಾದಾನ

This is probably the most important ritual in the wedding ceremony and signfies the actual wedding of the bride and the groom. They are considered as a married couple after this ceremony is complete. The shastras specifically state that the bride should have eaten something before the kanyadaana ceremony.

The parents of the bride first pray to their favourite deities notifying them first that they are giving away their daughter as a bride, and request that she be blessed with a long life, prosperity, good health, children, grand-children, happiness and peace.

The father of the bride then sits on a bag of paddy and seats his daughter on his lap. He then gives his daughter a thamboola to hold (betel leaves, betel nuts, coconut) with tulasi leaves and flowers and she holds this in both her hands. Sitting East facing, he then requests the groom to stand in front of him facing the bride and hold her hands with both his hands.

The kanyadaana muhurtha is then announced to everybody assembled and the ancestry of the bride and the groom is announced to all. This is known as the pravaravaachana/ಪ್ರವರವಾಚನ and is conducted like an announcement - “X’s great granddaughter, Y’s granddaughter and Z’s daughter named A, a personification of Mahalakshmi, is being given away to P’s great grandson, Q’s grand son, R’s son named B, a personification of Narayana”. This is repeated multiple times with the intention of everybody (including the Devas) hearing this clearly.

As with all donations (daanams) in Indian culture, the act of giving involves the wife of the giver pouring water over the hands of the giver and the receiver to signify the giving away. The same is applied here. The water is poured by the mother of the bride in such a way that it falls on the coconut, then on the bride’s hands and then on the groom’s hands.

The father of the bride recites these mantras addressing the groom -

“Oh Vishnu! I am giving away this daughter of mine, who is all auspicious and is well decorated, to you so that you can live happily with her”

“I am giving away this daughter to you with Bhoodevi (Mother Earth), the five elements (Earth, Fire, Air, Water, Ether) and all the devatas as witnesses”

“With the intention that you and my daughter will lead a life with the right Dharma (right living), right Artha (material pursuits), right Kama (desire), I am giving away this righteous daughter of mine to you”

“My daughter is like the personification of Lakshmi and I see the personification of Narayana in you. By giving away this daughter of mine to you, I put a condition on you that you should never do any act (whether it pertains to Dharma, Artha or Kama) without my daughter or without her knowledge”

The groom then replies that he accepts the bride. This completes the kanyaadana. It should be ensured that the kanyadaana happens during the time fixed as the muhurtham.

Making the promise/ಪ್ರಮಾಣವಚನ ಸ್ವೀಕಾರ

The father of the bride again elicits a promise from the groom. Addressing the groom, he says, “धर्मे च अर्थे च कामे च नातिचरितव्या/ಧರ್ಮೇ ಚ ಅರ್ಥೇ ಚ ಕಾಮೇ ಚ ನಾತಿಚರಿತವ್ಯಾ” i.e. you should not do any act pertaining to dharma, artha or kaama without my daughter or without her knowledge.

To this, the groom replies, “धर्मॆ च अर्थॆ च कामे च नातिचरामि/ಧರ್ಮೇ ಚ ಅರ್ಥೇ ಚ ಕಾಮೇ ಚ ನಾತಿಚರಾಮಿ” i.e. I will not do any act of dharma, artha or kaama without her or without her knowledge.

Udvaaha/ಉದ್ವಾಹ

The bride and the groom then start the set of rituals known as the udvaaha rituals. Udvaaha means to elevate or to rise up. The couple (with the bride to the left of the groom) first seek the blessings of the guests and then request two married women establish the holy fire in the homa kunda (altar of fire).

Madhuparka/ಮಧುಪರ್ಕ

Madhuparka is a mixture of honey and curds (yoghurt). In some communities, ghee (ತುಪ್ಪ) and puffed rice (ಅವಲಕ್ಕಿ) is also added to the mixture. Madhuparka is used as a way of honouring any scholar who has completed the study of the Vedas.

And thus, after the kanyadaana ceremony, the father of the bride honours his new son-in-law with the Madhuparka. The father also gives his daughter and son-in-law a cow as gift for their household. These days, instead of a cow, a coconut is given to the couple symbolizing the gift of the cow.

Placing of the yoke/ಯುಗಸ್ಥಾಪನಮ್

This ritual is based on the story of a lady named Apaala. Once there was a lady named Apaala. She had a long cherished dream of getting married to a suitable boy and then perform many yagnas and homas with her husband to worship Indra and the other devatas. However, she was afflicted with leprosy, and so, no boy willing to get married to her. And so, her dream remained unfulfilled.

Once while she had gone to a river to bathe, she gets carried away by the current of the water and is unable to save herself. She realizes that she is about to die, but even at that moment, her thoughts are that she was never able to perform any yagnas and worship the devas in any way. While getting carried away in the water, she finds a creeper floating by. She grabs that creeper and starts chewing it in her mouth. She then offers the juice that came out of the creeper to Indra as a form of worship.

Indra receives her offering and is very pleased with her sense of duty in that she made an offering to him even when she was almost dying. Riding on his chariot, Indra pours water 3 times through the hole in the yoke that is tying up the horses of his chariot. When this water falls on Apaalaa, she is immediately saved from the river and is cured of her leprosy disease as well.

Based on this story, the groom also worships Indra and asks him to keep his wife free from any disease and to keep her as righteous as Apaalaa was. The groom first sends an even number of Brahmins to get water from a river. He then places a symbolic yoke on the head of the bride, and then with mantras, he bathes the bride with water pouring through the hole in the yoke. In today’s times, water is just sprinkled on the bride through the yoke.

The 9 yards saree/೯ ಗಜದ ಸೀರೇ

After the ceremonial bath, the groom gives his wife a new saree. He first worships Indra and requests him, “Oh Indra! Just like how this piece of cloth will be draped around my wife, may knowledge also drape itself around her”. He then presents this saree to her and asks her to wear it in the “panchakachcham” (5 knots) style. The saree should be a new one that has not be worn by anybody else and should have been washed exactly once.

From this point, wearing the panchakachcham is mandatory for both the bride and the groom. The groom starts wearing it immediately after he gives up his brahmacharya (vrata samavarthana), while the bride starts wearing it from this point onwards.

The shastras insist that a couple in the grihasthashrama must wear their dresses in this style. The 5 knots are said to represent the 5 ties described in the Yogashastra. The shastras also say that any activity undertaken by a couple while wearing the 5 knots dresses will always succeed.

The way the panchakachcham is worn by men is very similar throughout India. However, the style of the women wearing the panchakachcham varies widely within communities.

In today’s times, it might not be possible for a couple to wear the panchakachcham all the time. But they should make it a point to wear it when performing any dharmic activities, visiting temples, etc.

Tying of the auspicious thread/ಮಾಂಗಲ್ಯಧಾರಣ

Today, many people very wrongly believe that the tying of the maangalya (auspicious thread) around the bride by the groom signifies the marriage. That is incorrect. The kanyadaana is what signifies the marriage. Also, many people believe that the tying of the maangalya needs to happen during the muhurtha fixed for the wedding. That is also incorrect. It is the kanyadaana that needs to happen during the muhurtham.

The word maangalya comes from the Sanskrit words “man” and “galati” (ಮಂ and ಗಲತಿ) which means that which swallows up obstacles.

After wearing a new saree, the bride is seated facing East and the groom stands in front of her. He then recites the following mantra and then ties the auspicious string around the bride’s neck.

माङ्गल्यम् तन्तुनानेन मम जीवनहेतुना कण्ठे बध्नामि सुभगे त्वम् जीव् शरदश्शतम्

ಮಾಂಗಲ್ಯಂ ತಂತುನಾನೇನ ಮಮ ಜೀವನಹೇತುನಾ ಕಂಠೆ ಬಧ್ನಾಮಿ ಸುಭಗೇ ತ್ವಂ ಜೀವ ಶರದಶ್ಶತಮ್

This is probably a very popular shloka today because it very often heard in movies, etc. Note that this is a shloka and not a mantra as the whole maangalya ritual has no basis in the Vedas or in the Dharma Shastras.

The shloka’s meaning is, “Oh beautiful lady! With the intention of leading a long life, I am tying this auspicious thread around your neck. May you live to see 100 autumns (i.e. live for 100 years)”.

Yoktrabandhana/ಯೋಕ್ತ್ರಬಂಧನ

Yoktra/ಯೋಕ್ತ್ರ refers to a long rope made of the sharaa/ಶರಾ grass. Three strands of this grass are taken together and then plaited (very similar to the way hair is plaited). Such a rope is known as the yoktra. Just like how a brahmachari becomes eligible to perform fire sacrifices after his upanayanam, the groom ties this yoktra around his wife and makes her eligible to perform fire sacrifices with him. This is equivalent to the upanayanam ceremony for the bride.

The groom ties this yoktra around his wife’s lower waist so that it passes over her navel. The mantra that he recites while tying this has this meaning - “I am tying this yoktra around this lady so that she gets a good mind, good fortune and good fortune and also so that she has all the strength to help me in performing fire sacrifices. May she always be happy.”

There are a couple of references as to why this sharaa grass will provide strength to the bride.

Once sage Angirasa went to Swargaloka (heaven). Before going there, he separated a part of his strength, intellect and spiritual prowess and left it on Earth. From this power that he had left behind, the sharaa grass grew. And so, tying this sharaa grass around the mid-section gives all the power and strength to the whole body.

Another story goes that after Indira slayed Vritrasura with the Vajrayudha weapon which was his arrow (or shara/ಶರ), he dropped all its power to Earth where it grew as a gras. Since this grass grew from the shara, it is known as sharaa. And hence, the person who wears this sharaa grass is believed to get all the power and strength of the vajrayudha.

For most yagnas/homas, the husband ties this yoktra around his wife before they start the yagna.

Kapilavachana/ಕಪಿಲಾವಾಚನ

Kapila means that which is desired. In this ritual, the bride and the groom describe what it is that they desire out of the homas (fire sacrifices) that they will perform that day. The mantra says that they request for good children, many cows, and perform many yagnas. Of course, in today’s society, we should interpret the “many cows” as prosperity.

In this ritual, the husband and wife put akshatha (rice with turmeric) on each other’s head and hence this ritulais also known as akshatharopana/ಅಕ್ಷತಾರೋಪಣ.

Udvaaha/ಉದ್ವಾಹ

The groom addresses his bride and says, “Oh bride! May Aditya (Sun God) hold your hand and take you near the holy fire. May the Ashwini Devathas arrange for all the vehicles to take you home after the homa is complete. May you then become friendly with everybody in my house and become the leader in my house.”. Thus saying, he takes his bride near the sacrificial fire and moves her from his left side to his right side. They then sit on the Western side of the fire.

From this point onwards, the bride is know as the groom’s dharmapatni/ಧರ್ಮಪತ್ನಿ and should always stand to the husband’s right side. This also signifies that she is like his right hand.

The couple then perform the first homa of their married life known as the udvaahahoma/ಉದ್ವಾಹಹೋಮ. As mentioned earlier, udvaaha means that which raises up or elevates.

The groom first thanks Somadeva, a Gandharva named Vishwavasu and Agni (fire) for having given him this lady as a wife. It is believed that a girl is first trained by Soma to have a pure mind, pure consciousness, and good behaviour. Then the Gandharva teaches her good speech and finally Agni teaches her how to destroy sins before she gets married.

Wearing the toe ring/ಕಾಲುಂಗುರ ಧಾರಣೆ

The toe ring is one of the 5 identifying symbols of a married women. The toe ring is put on the finger next to the thumb toe on both legs. In some communities, the husband puts it on his wife’s legs, while in some communities, the bride’s maternal uncle or his wife puts it on her leg.

In any case, this ritual has no basis in the shastras and is more of a folk/regional custom.

Holding the hand/ಪಾಣಿಗ್ರಹಣ

This ritual signifies the first time that the groom holds the bride’s hand. Paani/ಪಾಣಿ refers to the part of the hand that begins at the base of the fingers till the tip of the fingers. The groom keeps his right hand facing downwards and the bride’s right hand facing upwards. He then holds her fingers tightly. The shastras say that if the couple want only female children, then the groom should not hold the thumb, but only the remaining 4 fingers of the bride. If they are desirous of having only male children, then the groom should hold only the thumb and if they want both, then the groom should hold all 5 fingers of the bride.

Thus holding the bride’s hand, the groom says mantras addressing his bride. The meanings are -

“Oh bride! The very knowledgeable Devas like Bhaga, Aryaman and Indra have blessed with a wife like you. May we both lead a happy life till the end of this life.”

“I am holding your hand with the intent that we lead a life in gruhasthashrama.”

He then addresses Goddess Saraswathi and says,

“Oh Saraswathi! Please protect this bond. May my wife and I both always be together like this with happiness and may our bond be like a praise to you.”

He then addresses Vayu (God of wind) and says,

“Oh Vayu! May you bless us both with wealth and prosperity and ensure that our minds are always thinking of each other.”

After this sacred act of holding each other’s hands, at least on the wedding day, it is very inappropriate that the bride and the groom shake other people’s hands. Not only is it unhygienic, but also breaks the bond that these two made of not holding anybody else’s hands. The more traditional namaste would be much better.

Saptapadi/ಸಪ್ತಪದಿ

This is a wedding ritual that is very rightly part of popular culture and is commonly referred to movies, etc.

After the paanigrahana, continuing to hold their right hands together, the bride and the groom perform the saptapadi. As the name indicates, this refers to the 7 steps that the bride takes alongwith 7 mantras recited by the groom.

In some communities, 7 small mounds of rice are made and the bride crosses each one per mantra. In some other communities, 7 lines are drawn on a heap of rice with the bride crossing each one per mantra. While in other communities, the bride just walks 7 steps for each mantra. But in all cases, the groom should still be holding the bride’s right hand.

Here are the meanings of the seven mantras -

1. With this first step, may Vishnu grant you good food always and be with you.

2. With this second step, may Vishnu grant you good energy and strength and always protect you.

3. With this third step, may Vishnu give you the intelligence to perform all the activities that are required of you.

4. With this 4th step, may Vishnu grant you all comforts.

5. With this 5th step, may Vishnu grant you good children and all prosperity.

6. With this 6th step, may Vishnu grant you the intellect to always lead a life with the right Dharma.

7. With this 7th step, may Vishnu grant you the power to help me perform the 7 kind of yagnas that I need to perform.

With the bride still standing on the 7th step, the groom addresses her thus -

“Having taken these seven steps, you have now become my best friend. Let our friendship begin with this saptapadi. Let us always live with friendship and may our friendship never break. In any activity that we do, let us always be together, co-operate and perform the activity with love and affection. Let our minds become one and let us lead our life always together.”

“If you are the words, then let me be the music. If you are the music, then let me be the words (let us be inseparable like the lyrics and the music of the Vedas). If I am like the sky, then may you be the Earth. Just like how the sky and the Earth together take care of all living beings, let us look after our children. If I am like the mind, may you be my speech. If am I the saama veda, may you be the Rg Veda.”

After having said this and still holding the bride’s hand, the groom and the bride walk around the fire and sit on the Western side of the holy fire.

It is after the paanigrahana and the saptapadi that the couple are completely considered as husband and wife.

Pradhana Homa/ಪ್ರದಾನ ಹೋಮ

The couple then perform the udvaaha pradhana homa with the bride touching the groom’s right hand with her right hand. The homa begins with offerings to Soma, Gandharva and Agni for having given the groom his wife.

The remaining mantras are primarily offerings to various deities for ensuring prosperity, progeny, alleviation of suffering, avoiding untimely death, etc. There is one mantra requesting Indra to move the bride from her father’s family (ಕುಲ) to her husband’s family (ಕುಲ).

Ashmaarohana/ಆಶ್ಮಾರೋಹಣಮ್

The groom then holds the bride’s hand (as before). They both then get up and going to the Northern side of the holy fire and the groom asks the bride to stand with her right foot on a piece of stone (ಅಮ್ಮಿಕಲ್ಲು). He then addresses his wife and says, “Oh bride! Stand on this stone and become steadfast like this stone. May you not become unsteady by sukha (happiness) or dukha (sorrow). May you destroy your enemies by being like this stone.”

Laaja Homa/ಲಾಜಾಹೋಮ

It is believed that many deva kannikas (daughters of Devas) visit and participate in the wedding ceremony. Amongst them are the daughters of the Devas Aryama, Varuna, Pooshan and Prajapati. These girls attend the wedding alongwith their friends. As their leader (and chaperone) the Deva Aryama accompanies them. This Laaja homa is performed to give offerings to this Aryama and the Devakannikas attending the wedding.

Since women are always honoured and served by other women and since the offerings of this homa are given to the Devakannikas, this homa is performed by the bride. If these kannikas are pleased, then their father’s will be pleased and bless the couple.

Laaja means parched rice (ಭತ್ತದ ಅರಳು). This Laaja is kept in a winnow (ಮೊರ). The groom first purifies his bride’s hands with the darbha grass and water and then wipes it with some ghee. A brother of the bride assists her in performing this homa. The brother fills the cupped hands of the bride with the parches rice twice. The groom then pours some ghee on the parched rice and then holding the bride’s hands, utters the relevant mantras and helps her pour the offering into the fire. This is repeated for each mantra when an offering is to be made.

The mantras makes offerings to different Devathas and their daughters praying for a long life for the couple, happiness, progeny and prosperity. All the mantras are uttered by the groom but are made on behalf of the bride.

Rathaabhimantrana/ರಥಾಭಿಮಂತ್ರಣ

In the past, after the laaja homa, the groom would then take the bride back to his house in a chariot, horse or other vehicles (such as ಪಲ್ಲಕ್ಕಿ). He would then continue the rest of the marriage ceremony in his house. And so, at this point, the bride and the groom would then worship the vehicle that they would use to go back to the groom’s house.

The mantras have the groom first describe the chariot to the bride and then they worship the chariot praying an obstacle-free journey, without any disturbances from natural disasters, bandits, vehicle breakdowns, wild animals, floods etc.

In today’s weddings, the whole wedding is conducted in one place only, but this ritual still has relevance as instead of chariots, we have airplanes, cars etc and the prayer for an obstacle-free journey still holds.

Vadhupravesha/ವಧೂಪ್ರವೇಶ

After having reached the groom’s house, the bride waits outside while the groom brings out the holy fire in a pot. The bride with the groom by her side then enters the groom’s keeping her right foot first into the house and ensuring that she does not step on the door frame.

While entering the house, she says a mantra whose import is, “I am entering this house where my in-laws are looking forward to my arrival, this house where everybody is always well-fed and are happy, this house which is filled with all good people. I enter this house with a happy mind.”

After entering the house with the groom, they both setup the holy fire in the North-East corner of the house and perform the praavishya homa (ಪ್ರಾವಿಶ್ಯ ಹೋಮ).

The mantras of this homa pray to the Devatas to ensure that the bride gets a good welcome, happy and long stay in her husband’s house. The mantras pray that the bride has as much comfort and happiness as she had in her father’s house. They also pray that the bride fills her new house with happiness and joy and ensures that disaters like untimely death do not reach that house.

In today’s weddings, it looks like this praavishya homa is hardly performed and most families just do the vadhupravesha by bringing her customarily into the groom’s room in the kalyana mantapa itself.

Sighting of Dhruva-Arundhati/ಧ್ರುವ ಅರುಂಧತಿದರ್ಶನ

Once the sage couple Vasishta and Arundhati did severe penance to Lord Vishnu and requested a boon from him that they never be separated. Apart from granting them their wish of being inseparabale, Vishnu also blessed upon them a position of very high standing as very respectable stars in the sky.

On the night of the wedding, the bride and the groom look up to the night sky, and first spot the Dhurvataara or pole star and request his blessings to be as steadfast as him.

They then spot the star known as Arundhati and pray for her blessings to be as inseparable as she is to Vasishta.

The bride and the groom should walk a little East or North from their house from where the stars are clearly visible. The pole star is Dhruvataara. The lowest star in the Saptarishi constellation is Vasishta and the small star next to it is Arundhati. The groom points out all these stars to his wife and they worship these stars.

These days, this ritual is done during the day (usually exactly at mid-day) when the sun is shining bright and none of these stars are visible. It has actually become just a moment for the photo and videographers to capture with the groom pointing his hand to the sky and the bride standing next to him. The purpose of the ritual itself seems to be lost.

Sesha Homa/ಶೇಷ ಹೋಮ

This refers to the remaining parts of the Udvaaha homa that are to be completed. The shastras say that these should be done the 3rd or 4th day after the wedding. However, in today’s wedding, immediately after the sighting of Dhruva and Arundhati (during the day).

The mantras of this homa request devathas like Vayu (wind), Aditya (sun), prajapati, etc to remove any defects in the groom and the bride’s fates and in the fate of their yet to be born children.

The mantras then request the devatas of the Earth, rivers, forests, ocean, planets, etc to protect the couple from their enemies. The mantras specifically ask for any curses put on the couple by the enemies to backfire on the enemies themselves.

Lalaata Homa/ಲಲಾಟ ಹೋಮ

After the sesha homa is complete, the bride is made to sit in a East facing position. Facing her, the groom then takes the cup containing the ghee remaining after the sesha homa and keeps 4 drops of ghee on the bride’s forehead. Lalaata means forehead and this homa is called as the lalaata homa. This homa is done with the goal of removing any bad karma written in the bride’s fate.

Next, seated next to each other, the bride and the groom look a each other and utter these mantras.

Bride to groom - “With friendship I look at you. May Lakshmi fill our lives with happiness.”

Groom to bride - “Let us enjoy each other’s company fully. Since we are both young, let us also enjoy the pleasures of the body.”

Hridayanjana/ಹೃದಯಾಂಜನ

The groom then seats the bride on his left lap and hugs her with his left hand and brings her close enough that their hearts are close enough. Then with he dips his right hand’s thumb and ring finger in the ghee remaining from the homas and simultaneously rubs the 2 fingers on his heart and his bride’s heart.

During this time, he says this mantra - “May the Vishwadeva bring our hearts and minds together. May the Ap devata (God of water) ensure that we are always friends. May Vayu ensure that there is always love between us. May Saraswati grant us all the pleasure during the time of our union.”

Nagavalli Mahotsava/ನಾಗವಲ್ಲೀ ಮಹೋತ್ಸವ

Betel leaf (ವೀಳ್ಯದೆಲೆ) is known as nagavalli. Eating betel leaf is considered an item of pleasure and so is forbidden for a brahmachari or an unmarried girl. The first time that a bride and groom eat the betel leaf (prepared in the right fashion) is is known as the nagavalli mahotsava or thaamboolacharvana.

The groom first takes a plate containing betel leaves, betel nuts and some lime (ಸುಣ್ಣ). He first invokes Goddess Mahalakshmi into the plate who is the goddess of thaamboola and then offers dry coconut (ಒಣಕೊಬ್ಬರಿ) to her as an offering. He then gets the thaamboola blessed by the elders in his family.

There are many rules for the betel leaf should be eaten. Firstly, 4 or 8 betel leaves should be eaten. 1 or 3 should never be eaten. The stalk of the leaf and the tip should never be eaten. Then vein connecting the stalk and the tip (known as the sira/ಸಿರಾ) should also not be eaten. To apply lime on the leaf, the leaves should be help upward facing on the left hand and then the lime should be applied only with the right hand thumb (and not any other finger). Also, betel nuts should never be eaten before the betel leaf is put into the mouth.

In many communities, the brother of the bride prepares the nagavalli for his sister and her husband. The brother prepares the nagavalli as per the rules described above and gives one each to his sister and brother-in-law who then put it into each other’s mouths.

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This brings us to the end of all the important rituals in a wedding ceremony. There are a few that I have skipped because they are not that important. Also, there are many many regional and cultural variations between many rituals, but the main set of rituals described in the Vedas and the dharma shastras remain essentially the same across all communities.

One special point I wanted to add here (which is unrelated to the rest of the article) is about celebrating wedding anniversaries. Many people believe that celebrating wedding anniversaries is a Western tradition and is not part of the Indian traditions. That is not true.

The shastras specifically instruct a couple to remember the montha and nakshatra on which they got married. Every samvatsara (year), on that day (as per the Hindu calendar, based on the lunar month and nakshatra, the couple are instructed to enjoy a feast (ಹಬ್ಬದಡಿಗೆ), and fast that night. The next day, they should make special offerings to the sacirficial fire and then feed as many people as is convenient for them. This is known as “Vaivaahika Vaarshikotsavaanga Sthaalipaaka/ವೈವಾಹಿಕವಾರ್ಷಿಕೋತ್ಸವಾಂಗ ಸ್ಥಾಲೀಪಾಕ).

Of course, these days most people celebrate their wedding anniversaries as per the Western calendar.